Temple Illuminatus2024-03-28T19:38:33ZCarmen Elsa Irarragorri Wylandhttps://templeilluminatus.ning.com/profile/CarmenElsaIrarragorriWylandhttps://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/66636336?profile=RESIZE_48X48&width=48&height=48&crop=1%3A1https://templeilluminatus.ning.com/forum/topic/listForContributor?groupUrl=the-laughing-zebra&user=2rpnr3tuhpmal&feed=yes&xn_auth=noOnly in Americatag:templeilluminatus.ning.com,2020-04-14:6363372:Topic:35146172020-04-14T23:37:59.708ZCarmen Elsa Irarragorri Wylandhttps://templeilluminatus.ning.com/profile/CarmenElsaIrarragorriWyland
<blockquote class="ydpeba69338yiv1343846615ydp39edf80ayiv8615784363ydp1e9120c2yiv1087350189"><div class="ydpeba69338yiv1343846615ydp39edf80ayiv8615784363yqt6196914122" id="ydpeba69338yiv1343846615ydp39edf80ayiv8615784363yqtfd17399"><div class="ydpeba69338yiv1343846615ydp39edf80ayiv8615784363ydp1e9120c2yiv1087350189"><div class="ydpeba69338yiv1343846615ydp39edf80ayiv8615784363ydp1e9120c2yiv1087350189" dir="ltr"></div>
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<blockquote class="ydpeba69338yiv1343846615ydp39edf80ayiv8615784363ydp1e9120c2yiv1087350189"><div class="ydpeba69338yiv1343846615ydp39edf80ayiv8615784363yqt6196914122" id="ydpeba69338yiv1343846615ydp39edf80ayiv8615784363yqtfd17399"><div class="ydpeba69338yiv1343846615ydp39edf80ayiv8615784363ydp1e9120c2yiv1087350189"><div class="ydpeba69338yiv1343846615ydp39edf80ayiv8615784363ydp1e9120c2yiv1087350189" dir="ltr"><div class="ydpeba69338yiv1343846615ydp39edf80ayiv8615784363ydp1e9120c2yiv1087350189gmail_quote"><div class="ydpeba69338yiv1343846615ydp39edf80ayiv8615784363ydp1e9120c2yiv1087350189"><blockquote class="ydpeba69338yiv1343846615ydp39edf80ayiv8615784363ydp1e9120c2yiv1087350189"><div class="ydpeba69338yiv1343846615ydp39edf80ayiv8615784363ydp1e9120c2yiv1087350189" id="ydpeba69338yiv1343846615ydp39edf80ayiv8615784363ydp1e9120c2yiv1087350189m_194024190693133668ox-96c31a86de-ydp6a5f98fayahoo_quoted_7093924347"><div class="ydpeba69338yiv1343846615ydp39edf80ayiv8615784363ydp1e9120c2yiv1087350189"><div class="ydpeba69338yiv1343846615ydp39edf80ayiv8615784363ydp1e9120c2yiv1087350189"><div class="ydpeba69338yiv1343846615ydp39edf80ayiv8615784363ydp1e9120c2yiv1087350189"><blockquote class="ydpeba69338yiv1343846615ydp39edf80ayiv8615784363ydp1e9120c2yiv1087350189"><div class="ydpeba69338yiv1343846615ydp39edf80ayiv8615784363ydp1e9120c2yiv1087350189" dir="ltr"><div class="ydpeba69338yiv1343846615ydp39edf80ayiv8615784363ydp1e9120c2yiv1087350189" dir="ltr"><div class="ydpeba69338yiv1343846615ydp39edf80ayiv8615784363ydp1e9120c2yiv1087350189"><div class="ydpeba69338yiv1343846615ydp39edf80ayiv8615784363ydp1e9120c2yiv1087350189"><div class="ydpeba69338yiv1343846615ydp39edf80ayiv8615784363ydp1e9120c2yiv1087350189"><blockquote class="ydpeba69338yiv1343846615ydp39edf80ayiv8615784363ydp1e9120c2yiv1087350189"><p class="ydpeba69338yiv1343846615ydp39edf80ayiv8615784363ydp1e9120c2yiv1087350189"><span class="ydpeba69338yiv1343846615ydp39edf80ayiv8615784363ydp1e9120c2yiv1087350189">N</span><span class="ydpeba69338yiv1343846615ydp39edf80ayiv8615784363ydp1e9120c2yiv1087350189">ew government programs to help retired Americans</span></p>
<blockquote class="ydpeba69338yiv1343846615ydp39edf80ayiv8615784363ydp1e9120c2yiv1087350189"><div class="ydpeba69338yiv1343846615ydp39edf80ayiv8615784363ydp1e9120c2yiv1087350189"><div class="ydpeba69338yiv1343846615ydp39edf80ayiv8615784363ydp1e9120c2yiv1087350189"><div class="ydpeba69338yiv1343846615ydp39edf80ayiv8615784363ydp1e9120c2yiv1087350189"><div class="ydpeba69338yiv1343846615ydp39edf80ayiv8615784363ydp1e9120c2yiv1087350189"><div class="ydpeba69338yiv1343846615ydp39edf80ayiv8615784363ydp1e9120c2yiv1087350189"><div class="ydpeba69338yiv1343846615ydp39edf80ayiv8615784363ydp1e9120c2yiv1087350189"><p class="ydpeba69338yiv1343846615ydp39edf80ayiv8615784363ydp1e9120c2yiv1087350189"><span class="ydpeba69338yiv1343846615ydp39edf80ayiv8615784363ydp1e9120c2yiv1087350189"> </span></p>
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<div class="ydpeba69338yiv1343846615ydp39edf80ayiv8615784363ydp1e9120c2yiv1087350189"><p class="ydpeba69338yiv1343846615ydp39edf80ayiv8615784363ydp1e9120c2yiv1087350189"><span class="ydpeba69338yiv1343846615ydp39edf80ayiv8615784363ydp1e9120c2yiv1087350189">Due to the current upset situation caused by the Corona Virus in the economy, the Government has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 50 years of age and above on early, mandatory retirement, thus creating jobs and reducing unemployment. This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).<br class="ydpeba69338yiv1343846615ydp39edf80ayiv8615784363ydp1e9120c2yiv1087350189" clear="none"/><br class="ydpeba69338yiv1343846615ydp39edf80ayiv8615784363ydp1e9120c2yiv1087350189" clear="none"/>Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to the Government to be considered for the SHAFT program (Special Help After Forced Termination).<br class="ydpeba69338yiv1343846615ydp39edf80ayiv8615784363ydp1e9120c2yiv1087350189" clear="none"/><br class="ydpeba69338yiv1343846615ydp39edf80ayiv8615784363ydp1e9120c2yiv1087350189" clear="none"/>Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW program (System Covering Retired-Early Workers).<br class="ydpeba69338yiv1343846615ydp39edf80ayiv8615784363ydp1e9120c2yiv1087350189" clear="none"/><br class="ydpeba69338yiv1343846615ydp39edf80ayiv8615784363ydp1e9120c2yiv1087350189" clear="none"/>A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as the Government deems appropriate.<br class="ydpeba69338yiv1343846615ydp39edf80ayiv8615784363ydp1e9120c2yiv1087350189" clear="none"/><br class="ydpeba69338yiv1343846615ydp39edf80ayiv8615784363ydp1e9120c2yiv1087350189" clear="none"/>Persons who have been RAPED could get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependents & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).<br class="ydpeba69338yiv1343846615ydp39edf80ayiv8615784363ydp1e9120c2yiv1087350189" clear="none"/><br class="ydpeba69338yiv1343846615ydp39edf80ayiv8615784363ydp1e9120c2yiv1087350189" clear="none"/>Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by the Government.<br class="ydpeba69338yiv1343846615ydp39edf80ayiv8615784363ydp1e9120c2yiv1087350189" clear="none"/><br class="ydpeba69338yiv1343846615ydp39edf80ayiv8615784363ydp1e9120c2yiv1087350189" clear="none"/>Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. The Government has always<br class="ydpeba69338yiv1343846615ydp39edf80ayiv8615784363ydp1e9120c2yiv1087350189" clear="none"/>prided themselves on the amount of SHIT they give our citizens.<br class="ydpeba69338yiv1343846615ydp39edf80ayiv8615784363ydp1e9120c2yiv1087350189" clear="none"/><br class="ydpeba69338yiv1343846615ydp39edf80ayiv8615784363ydp1e9120c2yiv1087350189" clear="none"/>Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring this to the attention of your Congressman, who has been trained to give you all the<br class="ydpeba69338yiv1343846615ydp39edf80ayiv8615784363ydp1e9120c2yiv1087350189" clear="none"/>SHIT you can handle.<br class="ydpeba69338yiv1343846615ydp39edf80ayiv8615784363ydp1e9120c2yiv1087350189" clear="none"/><br class="ydpeba69338yiv1343846615ydp39edf80ayiv8615784363ydp1e9120c2yiv1087350189" clear="none"/>Sincerely,<br class="ydpeba69338yiv1343846615ydp39edf80ayiv8615784363ydp1e9120c2yiv1087350189" clear="none"/>The Committee for Economic Value of Individual Lives (E.V.I.L.)<br class="ydpeba69338yiv1343846615ydp39edf80ayiv8615784363ydp1e9120c2yiv1087350189" clear="none"/><br class="ydpeba69338yiv1343846615ydp39edf80ayiv8615784363ydp1e9120c2yiv1087350189" clear="none"/>PS - Due to recent budget cuts as well as current market conditions, The<br class="ydpeba69338yiv1343846615ydp39edf80ayiv8615784363ydp1e9120c2yiv1087350189" clear="none"/>Light at the End of the Tunnel has been turned off.</span></p>
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</blockquote> The Funny Signs of the Zodiactag:templeilluminatus.ning.com,2019-06-24:6363372:Topic:34707172019-06-24T16:02:43.298ZCarmen Elsa Irarragorri Wylandhttps://templeilluminatus.ning.com/profile/CarmenElsaIrarragorriWyland
<p><span style="font-size: 12pt;">I was looking at something totally unrelated to this online (I can't remember what it was) when I stumbled over this stuff. It amused me so I thought I would share it here. NONE of this is my own work. Feel free to add your own.</span></p>
<p> …<a href="https://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/3083185290?profile=original" rel="noopener" target="_blank"><img class="align-full" src="https://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/3083185290?profile=RESIZE_710x"></img></a></p>
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<p><span style="font-size: 12pt;">I was looking at something totally unrelated to this online (I can't remember what it was) when I stumbled over this stuff. It amused me so I thought I would share it here. NONE of this is my own work. Feel free to add your own.</span></p>
<p> <a href="https://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/3083185290?profile=original" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><img src="https://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/3083185290?profile=RESIZE_710x" class="align-full"/></a></p>
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<p><a href="https://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/3083468195?profile=original" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><img src="https://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/3083468195?profile=RESIZE_710x" class="align-full"/></a></p>
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<p><a href="https://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/3083374484?profile=original" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><img src="https://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/3083374484?profile=RESIZE_710x" class="align-left"/></a></p>
<p><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><a href="https://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/3083240552?profile=original" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><img src="https://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/3083240552?profile=RESIZE_710x" class="align-right"/></a></span></p> Three Guys Train to Become Detectivestag:templeilluminatus.ning.com,2018-08-01:6363372:Topic:34209082018-08-01T17:37:17.409ZCarmen Elsa Irarragorri Wylandhttps://templeilluminatus.ning.com/profile/CarmenElsaIrarragorriWyland
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 2.222222rem;">A policeman was interrogating 3 guys who were training to become detectives.</span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 2.222222rem;">To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first guys a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it.</span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 2.222222rem;">"This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"…</span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 2.222222rem;">A policeman was interrogating 3 guys who were training to become detectives.</span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 2.222222rem;">To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first guys a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it.</span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 2.222222rem;">"This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"</span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 2.222222rem;">The first guy answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!"</span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 2.222222rem;">The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture I showed is his side profile."</span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 2.222222rem;">Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second guy and asks him, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"</span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 2.222222rem;">The second guy smiles, flips his hair, and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!"</span></p>
<div class="col-xs-12"><span class="tm-emailbody-likes-wrapper" style="width: 97.3333%;"><img alt="" class="img-responsive no-like" src="http://en.bcdn.biz/Images/2018/7/31/63d778a7-f0d5-4c18-bc8d-68f730015bce.jpg" style="display: block; margin: auto;"/></span></div>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 2.222222rem;">The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two?? Of course only one eye and one ear are showing because it's a picture of his side profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?"</span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 2.222222rem;">Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third guy and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him? He quickly adds, "Think hard before giving me a stupid answer."</span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 2.222222rem;">The third guy looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "the suspect wears contact lenses."</span></p>
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<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 2.222222rem;">The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not. "Well, that's an interesting answer. Wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I'll get back to you on that."</span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 2.222222rem;">He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file on his computer, and comes back with a beaming smile on his face.</span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 2.222222rem;">"Wow! I can't believe it. It's TRUE! The suspect does, in fact, wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?"</span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 2.222222rem;"><strong>"That's easy," the third guy replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear."</strong></span></p> The Woman, the Merlot and the Refusaltag:templeilluminatus.ning.com,2018-07-30:6363372:Topic:34179692018-07-30T23:09:17.549ZCarmen Elsa Irarragorri Wylandhttps://templeilluminatus.ning.com/profile/CarmenElsaIrarragorriWyland
<div class="emailbody-wrapper"><div class="emailbody"><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 2.222222rem;">A man enters his favorite ritzy restaurant, and while sitting at his regular table, he notices a gorgeous woman sitting at a table nearby all alone.</span></p>
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<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 2.222222rem;">He calls the waiter over and asks for their most expensive bottle of Merlot to be sent over to her, knowing that…</span></p>
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<div class="emailbody-wrapper"><div class="emailbody"><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 2.222222rem;">A man enters his favorite ritzy restaurant, and while sitting at his regular table, he notices a gorgeous woman sitting at a table nearby all alone.</span></p>
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<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 2.222222rem;">He calls the waiter over and asks for their most expensive bottle of Merlot to be sent over to her, knowing that if she accepts it, she is his for the night.</span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 2.222222rem;">The waiter gets the bottle and quickly sends it over to the girl, saying it is from the gentleman at a nearby table.</span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 2.222222rem;">She looks at the man, then at the wine and decides to send a note over to the man.</span></p>
<div class="col-xs-12"><span class="tm-emailbody-likes-wrapper" style="width: 97.3333%;"><img alt="" class="img-responsive no-like" src="http://en.bcdn.biz/Images/2018/7/30/8fbaa549-87a0-4381-a9e9-17ef2ae84521.jpg" style="display: block; margin: auto;"/></span></div>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 2.222222rem;">The note read: "For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank, and seven inches in your pants."</span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 2.222222rem;">The man, after reading this note, sends another note to her. It read:</span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 2.222222rem;"><strong>"Just so you know, I happen to have a LaFerrari, a BMW i8, and a Mercedes AMG GTS in my garage, plus I have over 20 million dollars in the bank. But, not even for a woman as beautiful as you, would I cut three inches off my member. Just send the wine back."</strong></span></p>
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</div> The Nun and Priest Are Camel-lesstag:templeilluminatus.ning.com,2018-07-29:6363372:Topic:34177942018-07-29T05:07:52.383ZCarmen Elsa Irarragorri Wylandhttps://templeilluminatus.ning.com/profile/CarmenElsaIrarragorriWyland
<div class="discussion"><div class="description"><div class="xg_user_generated"><div class="emailbody-wrapper"><div class="emailbody"><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 2.222222rem;">A nun and a priest were traveling across the desert and realized halfway across that the camel they were using for transportation was about to die.</span></p>
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<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 2.222222rem;">They set up a make-shift camp,…</span></p>
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<div class="discussion"><div class="description"><div class="xg_user_generated"><div class="emailbody-wrapper"><div class="emailbody"><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 2.222222rem;">A nun and a priest were traveling across the desert and realized halfway across that the camel they were using for transportation was about to die.</span></p>
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<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 2.222222rem;">They set up a make-shift camp, hoping someone would come to their rescue, but to no avail. Soon the camel died.</span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 2.222222rem;">After several days of not being rescued, they agreed that they were not going to be rescued.</span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 2.222222rem;">They prayed a lot (of course), and they discussed their predicament in great depth.</span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 2.222222rem;">Finally, the priest said to the nun, "you know sister, I am about to die, and there's always been one thing I've wanted here on earth--to see a woman naked. Would you mind taking off your clothes so I can look at you?"</span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 2.222222rem;">The nun thought about his request for several seconds and then agreed to take off her clothes.</span></p>
<div class="col-xs-12"><span class="tm-emailbody-likes-wrapper" style="width: 97.3333%;"><img alt="" class="img-responsive no-like" src="http://en.bcdn.biz/Images/2018/7/27/82299b7c-fc9e-494a-8b7f-74781857a3e6.jpg" style="display: block; margin: auto;"/></span></div>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 2.222222rem;">As she was doing so, she remarked, "well, Father, now that I think about it, I've never seen a man naked, either. Would you mind taking off your clothes, too?"</span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 2.222222rem;">With little hesitation, the priest also stripped.</span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 2.222222rem;">Suddenly the nun exclaimed, "Father! What is that little thing hanging between your legs?"</span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 2.222222rem;">The priest patiently answered, "That, my child, is a gift from God. If I put it in you, it creates a new life."</span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 2.222222rem;"><strong>"Well," responded the nun, "forget about me. Stick it in the camel!"</strong></span></p>
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</div> I Wonder How Paul is So Fasttag:templeilluminatus.ning.com,2018-07-28:6363372:Topic:34177832018-07-28T21:51:09.091ZCarmen Elsa Irarragorri Wylandhttps://templeilluminatus.ning.com/profile/CarmenElsaIrarragorriWyland
<div class="discussion"><div class="description"><div class="xg_user_generated"><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 2.222222rem;">Paul got a part-time job at the Post Office.</span></p>
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<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 2.222222rem;">He was thrilled, because he had been looking for employment for a while, without any luck.</span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 2.222222rem;">It wasn’t long…</span></p>
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<div class="discussion"><div class="description"><div class="xg_user_generated"><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 2.222222rem;">Paul got a part-time job at the Post Office.</span></p>
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<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 2.222222rem;">He was thrilled, because he had been looking for employment for a while, without any luck.</span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 2.222222rem;">It wasn’t long before his first day arrived, and he headed to the Post Office brimming with confidence.</span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 2.222222rem;">The first assignment his supervisor gave him was the job of sorting the mail.</span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 2.222222rem;">Paul separated the letters so fast that his motions were literally a blur.</span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 2.222222rem;">His supervisor didn’t understand how he was capable of working so fast but didn’t question it.</span></p>
<div class="col-xs-12"><span class="tm-emailbody-likes-wrapper" style="width: 97.3333%;"><img alt="" class="img-responsive no-like" src="http://en.bcdn.biz/Images/2018/7/26/a1c38b0d-886b-42a8-8702-41095af65889.jpg" style="display: block; margin: auto;"/></span></div>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 2.222222rem;">The supervisor approached Paul at the end of his first day.</span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 2.222222rem;">"I just want you to know," the supervisor said, "that I'm very pleased with the job you did today. You're one of the fastest workers we've ever had."</span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 2.222222rem;">"Thank you, Sir," said Paul, beaming, "and tomorrow I'll try to do even better."</span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 2.222222rem;">"Better?" the supervisor asked with astonishment. "How can you possibly do any better than you did today?"</span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 2.222222rem;"><strong>Paul replied, "Tomorrow I'm going to read the addresses."</strong></span></p>
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</div> Son, I Have a Secret...tag:templeilluminatus.ning.com,2018-07-21:6363372:Topic:34156832018-07-21T16:46:48.054ZCarmen Elsa Irarragorri Wylandhttps://templeilluminatus.ning.com/profile/CarmenElsaIrarragorriWyland
<div class="discussion"><div class="description"><div class="xg_user_generated"><div class="emailbody-wrapper"><div class="emailbody"><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 2.222222rem;"><span style="color: #171717; text-align: right;">One Sunday morning Michael burst into the living room and said, "Dad! Mom! I have some great news for you! I am getting married to the most beautiful girl in town. She lives a block away and her name is Susan.…</span></span></p>
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<div class="discussion"><div class="description"><div class="xg_user_generated"><div class="emailbody-wrapper"><div class="emailbody"><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 2.222222rem;"><span style="color: #171717; text-align: right;">One Sunday morning Michael burst into the living room and said, "Dad! Mom! I have some great news for you! I am getting married to the most beautiful girl in town. She lives a block away and her name is Susan.</span></span></p>
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<div class="clearfix"><div class="col-xs-12" style="margin-bottom: 10px; text-align: center;"><span class="tm-emailbody-likes-wrapper" style="width: 97.3333%;"><img alt="joke father and son" class="img-responsive no-like" src="http://en.bcdn.biz/Images/2016/7/28/f31ab425-d2c7-42bf-8a76-f13fe43f426f.jpg" style="display: block; margin: auto;" border="0"/></span><br/> <span style="font-size: 2.222222rem;"><span style="color: #171717; text-align: right;">After dinner, Michael's dad took him aside, "Son, I have to talk to you. Look at your mother, Michael. She and I have been married 30 years, she's a wonderful wife and mother, but, she has never offered much excitement in the bedroom, so I used to fool around with women a lot. I'm afraid Susan is the result of one such affair. She is actually your half-sister, and I'm afraid you can't marry her." </span></span><br/> <p><span style="font-size: 2.222222rem;">Michael was brokenhearted. He broke up with Susan the next day.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: 2.222222rem;">After eight months he eventually started dating girls again. A year later he came home and very proudly announced, "Diane said yes! We're getting married in June." Again his father insisted on another private conversation and broke the sad news. "Diane is your half-sister too, Michael. I'm awfully sorry about this."</span></p>
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<div class="col-xs-12" style="margin-bottom: 10px;"><span class="tm-emailbody-likes-wrapper" style="width: 97.3333%;"><img alt="joke father and son" class="img-responsive no-like" src="http://en.bcdn.biz/Images/2016/7/28/459491f2-279b-4876-bcee-66a3a7fb2afd.jpg" style="display: block; margin: auto;" border="0"/></span><p style="text-align: center;"><br/> <span style="font-size: 2.222222rem;">Michael was livid! He broke up with Diane that same day, leaving her in tears. He finally decided to go to his mother with the news his father had shared and told her about his father's secret.</span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 2.222222rem;">"Dad has done so much harm. I guess I'm never going to get married," he complained. "Every time I fall in love, dad tells me the girl is my half-sister." </span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 2.222222rem;">"<strong>Oh,</strong> " his mother shook her head, "<strong>What are you listening to <em>him</em> for? He's not even your real father.</strong>"</span></p>
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</div> ‘The Late Show’ Rolls Out ‘Schoolhouse Rock!’ Song to Explain Trump’s Russia Double Negative (Video)tag:templeilluminatus.ning.com,2018-07-20:6363372:Topic:34152802018-07-20T03:25:54.435ZCarmen Elsa Irarragorri Wylandhttps://templeilluminatus.ning.com/profile/CarmenElsaIrarragorriWyland
<div style="xg-p: relative; height: 0; padding-bottom: 56.34%;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="360" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/wZfB5TFHyq8?ecver=2&wmode=opaque" width="639"></iframe>
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<div style="xg-p: relative; height: 0px; padding-bottom: 56.34%; text-align: center;"><p class="canvas-atom canvas-text Mb(1.0em) Mb(0)--sm Mt(0.8em)--sm">“The Late Show With Stephen Colbert” is ready to help Americans understand the “double negative” Donald Trump used to…</p>
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<div style="xg-p: relative; height: 0; padding-bottom: 56.34%;"><iframe src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/wZfB5TFHyq8?ecver=2&wmode=opaque" allowfullscreen="" width="639" height="360" frameborder="0"></iframe>
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<div style="xg-p: relative; height: 0px; padding-bottom: 56.34%; text-align: center;"><p class="canvas-atom canvas-text Mb(1.0em) Mb(0)--sm Mt(0.8em)--sm">“The Late Show With Stephen Colbert” is ready to help Americans understand the “double negative” Donald Trump used to explain the comments he made this week, in which he appeared to side with Russia over the U.S. intelligence community.</p>
<p class="canvas-atom canvas-text Mb(1.0em) Mb(0)--sm Mt(0.8em)--sm">Trump met with Russian president Vladimir Putin on Monday in Helsinki for a personal summit between the two leaders. During a press conference after the meeting, Trump said Putin had denied that Russia interfered with the 2016 presidential election, and Trump believed him — despite the fact Trump’s own intelligence agencies agree Russia was behind hacking attacks and a social media propaganda campaign in Trump’s favor.</p>
<p class="canvas-atom canvas-text Mb(1.0em) Mb(0)--sm Mt(0.8em)--sm">“My people came to me, they said they think it’s Russia,” Trump said. “I have President Putin. He just said it’s not Russia. I will say this. I don’t see any reason why it would be.”</p>
<p class="canvas-atom canvas-text Mb(1.0em) Mb(0)--sm Mt(0.8em)--sm"><strong>Also Read:</strong> <a rel="nofollow noopener" class="also-read-counter" href="https://www.thewrap.com/avengers-infinity-war-meme-rips-trumps-summit-with-putin/" target="_blank">This 'Infinity War' Meme Sums Up the Trump-Putin Summit Weirdly Rea...</a></p>
<p class="canvas-atom canvas-text Mb(1.0em) Mb(0)--sm Mt(0.8em)--sm">The day after the meeting, after huge backlash from the U.S. news media and politicians on both sides of the aisle, Trump tried to walk the statement back. He told reporters he meant to say, “I don’t see any reason why it <em>wouldn’t</em> be (Russia),” not “I don’t see any reason why it <em>would </em>be.”</p>
<p class="canvas-atom canvas-text Mb(1.0em) Mb(0)--sm Mt(0.8em)--sm">“It’s sort of a double negative,” Trump said.</p>
<p class="canvas-atom canvas-text Mb(1.0em) Mb(0)--sm Mt(0.8em)--sm">“The Late Show With Stephen Colbert” brought out a grammar lesson for anyone who wasn’t clear on what a double negative is, creating a parody “Schoolhouse Rock!” song to explain the concept and sharing it on <a rel="nofollow noopener" href="https://twitter.com/colbertlateshow/status/1019733561384034304" target="_blank">Twitter</a>. The animated video is based on the real “Schoolhouse Rock!” song “Conjunction Junction,” and you can watch it above.</p>
<p class="canvas-atom canvas-text Mb(1.0em) Mb(0)--sm Mt(0.8em)--sm"><strong>Also Read:</strong> <a rel="nofollow noopener" class="also-read-counter" href="https://www.thewrap.com/trump-russia-putin-simpsons-joke-boo-urns/" target="_blank">Everyone Made the Same 'Simpsons' Joke About Trump's Russia Walk</a></p>
</div> Pay Attention in Confession!tag:templeilluminatus.ning.com,2018-07-17:6363372:Topic:34146082018-07-17T01:09:24.062ZCarmen Elsa Irarragorri Wylandhttps://templeilluminatus.ning.com/profile/CarmenElsaIrarragorriWyland
<div class="emailbody-wrapper"><div class="emailbody"><div style="margin: 0 auto;"><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 2.222222rem;"><span style="color: #171717; text-align: right;">A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, 'I almost had an affair with another woman.' </span></span></p>
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<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 2.222222rem;"><span style="color: #171717; text-align: right;">The priest…</span></span></p>
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<div class="emailbody-wrapper"><div class="emailbody"><div style="margin: 0 auto;"><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 2.222222rem;"><span style="color: #171717; text-align: right;">A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, 'I almost had an affair with another woman.' </span></span></p>
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<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 2.222222rem;"><span style="color: #171717; text-align: right;">The priest said, 'What do you mean, almost?' </span></span><br/> </p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 2.222222rem;"><span style="color: #171717; text-align: right;">The Irishman said, 'Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped.'</span></span></p>
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<div class="col-xs-12" style="margin-bottom: 20px;"><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 2.222222rem;">The priest said, 'Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary's and put $50 in the poor box.' </span><br/> </p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 2.222222rem;">The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box. </span></p>
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<div class="col-xs-12" style="margin-bottom: 20px;"><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 2.222222rem;">He paused for a moment and then started to leave. </span><br/> </p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 2.222222rem;">The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, 'I saw that. You didn't put any money in the poor box!' </span></p>
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<div class="col-xs-12" style="margin-bottom: 10px;"><span class="tm-emailbody-likes-wrapper" style="width: 97.3333%;"><img alt="confession, affair" class="img-responsive no-like" src="http://en.bcdn.biz/Images/2016/9/1/5976d4c2-7593-49e8-96d2-0afa8d4ca7b4.jpg" style="display: block; margin: auto;" border="0"/></span></div>
<div class="col-xs-12" style="margin-bottom: 20px; text-align: center;"><strong><span style="font-size: 2.222222rem;">The Irishman replied, 'Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and according to you, that's the same as putting it in!'</span></strong></div>
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</div> Hilarious Comics About Being Marriedtag:templeilluminatus.ning.com,2018-07-16:6363372:Topic:34142972018-07-16T20:39:04.062ZCarmen Elsa Irarragorri Wylandhttps://templeilluminatus.ning.com/profile/CarmenElsaIrarragorriWyland
<div style="margin: 0px auto; text-align: center;"><font color="#171717"><span style="font-size: 2.222222rem;">If anyone has ever told you that marriage is no laughing matter, they must have been insane. Marriage promises a very strange, funny life for all that enter its holy union. So, if you want a good laugh, have a look at these comics, which make clear what the true meaning of married life really is...I know, believe me!…</span></font></div>
<div style="margin: 0px auto; text-align: center;"><font color="#171717"><span style="font-size: 2.222222rem;">If anyone has ever told you that marriage is no laughing matter, they must have been insane. Marriage promises a very strange, funny life for all that enter its holy union. So, if you want a good laugh, have a look at these comics, which make clear what the true meaning of married life really is...I know, believe me!</span></font></div>
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<div style="margin: 0px auto; text-align: center;"><font color="#171717"><span style="font-size: 2.222222rem;"><img alt="marriage, funny" class="img-responsive" src="http://en.bcdn.biz/Images/2016/9/20/6ae488c2-592a-4eb7-8d1a-a54c6230e905.jpg" style="display: block; margin: auto;" border="0"/></span></font></div>