Want to make friends, but not sure how to start? What to say? Afraid of sounding stupid? You're not alone.
A lot of people are feeling the same way, it's like a high school dance, with a few people out on the floor, and lots of wallflowers. Don't worry about it, you're in good company with a lot of other wall flowers waiting to get their friend bloom on.
Here's some tips.
So there you have 3 great ways to 'break the ice' and give yourself an 'excuse' to add someone as a friend and something to say to get the conversation started. Don't be afraid to put yourself out there, and take a risk, you just might make some friends. yeah, you might come across the occasional hermit-ish humbug who ignores your request, but that will be their loss, and you're sure to find some good friends in the process.
Friendships are powerful things, and like many things what you put into them, what you put out there, comes back to you, often multiplied. So if you're looking for a friend... be a friend, and you'll find more friends than you ever bargained for. *smile*
Anyone else have ideas on good ways to make friends online on sites like the Temple?
That's good advice, to not have expectations that people will respond a certain way. Everyone has different ideas about what it means to be an online friend, and everyone has different amounts of time/energy they may spend on the site.
I find everybody has different social styles. Some people are just not extroverted, they don't tend to reach out. It may have nothing at all to do with how they feel about others, about their friends, or the people around them. They may be shy, they may have social phobias, they may have self esteem issues, or all of the above.
Extroverted personalities may assume introverted personalities don't care, because they are less expressive. Sometimes introverted personalities are confused and/or suspicious when people offer friendship. So some people may even refuse a request, ignore it, or react with something along the lines of 'so what are you selling? what's the angle? are you a Nigerian scammer?...
We're all different, with different assumptions and expectations of encounters with others based on our own past, our own experiences, and our own personalities and wiring.
I always think it's important to try not to make assumptions or have expectations in terms of how others will be, or react or respond. It's also important not assume the reasons why they are the way they are, react, or respond.
It's up to each person to decide what constitutes friendships for them, and if there is a 'standard' a friend has to live up to or not to be considered such.
I don't think there is a right approach for everyone, because we all have different social and relationship needs. If people don't want to have friends, and just want to stay hidden in the Temple shadows and listen and learn... that's okay too. :)
The wonderful thing is that there are so many people in the world, that really there are friends for everyone, not everyone needs to be compatible with everyone else for everyone to have a wonderful life full of healthy friendships.
I am pickier in some ways than I used to be, when someone hurts, betrays me, or is otherwise negative or draining or using of me, I am more protective of myself and my loved ones now and I end those friendships quickly, or if a friend seems to be unhappy or stressed with me in some way. I avoid drama and draining or one sided friendships, instead of putting effort towards them, where before I would hard to rescue a friendship and feel a loyalty that was self damaging. However I am much less pickier in who I friend to begin with now. Now I see everyone as a friend, and then become 'picky' only if I see something that to me is not so friendly after all. Quicker to accept people, and quicker to move on and trust in what I feel when I realize a relationship is not healthy for me.
Karen, absolutely, also in order to develop deep friendships and find out who you click with... you need to start somewhere. I find on other sites I may make say 50 friends, and maybe 5 of them keep in touch, and that's just fine... but if I wouldn't have made those other 45 brief just 'add me' friends.. I wouldn't have made the 5 good friends that I DO have things in common with and do have a connection with, and who had an interest in me also. They all may have looked like equally interesting or empty profiles to begin with.
I think sometimes the more conditions we put on friendships, the more we create an unfriendly world for ourselves... I wonder what a world of unconditional friendship might look like?
relationships are difficult... online relationships more so... but that is the way the digital age impacts upon us... I'm old fashioned, I simply love the physical connection of seeing into that persons eyes, of being in their presence, of hearing their words.
Not all of us are good communicators on paper, and sometimes we get it hopelessly wrong...sigh... This friends thingy is new to me, and I often found it quite difficult to maintain friendships based on blog posts which seemed to resonate, and then in one on one communication they seemed to have completely lost that 'spark' which so interested me in the first place, sometimes it would be such a contradiction that I wondered if they had actually penned the blog post in the first place![lol]
sigh... but I try... I think it's pretty much a hit and miss affair with me at the moment, I reckon I'll get the hang of it soon enough...maybe... sigh... dunno...but I try..
i've certainly learned to just expect the unexpected. keep an open mind because there's always something to learn from someone. in life, you will always owe something to someone, as someone will always owe you something. we are all connected whether we want to be or not. what we do with the connection is the individual part.
and because i really haven't the slightest clue who you all really are and what you're all about, i continue to read, and i continue to watch. i'm mostly silent, but when i'm passionate about something i am sure that i will show it.
some people are far too sure of themselves and must 'swallow their pride' so to speak, and admit to the fact that they will never know everything there is to know. everyone is here for a reason, so embrace it! i embrace others as well, i get joy from knowing others are learning things just like i am.
i never look down on someone for not knowing as much as i do about something, and i like to share my wisdom. just as i'd hope the same for anyone who has more than i....
life is woven like a web. so many directions, so many connections, so many paths, so many choices, so many people like you, so many so different from you. there are those close in space, time, age, destinies, and then there's those so very far from you. LIFE IS WHAT YOU MAKE OF IT. like i said, embrace it! it will go alot smoother that way....
Pardon the intrusion, but I had a question. What would you do after making a complete fool out of yourself, but you still want to be a part of an online community? Will anyone trust you aymore after such a bad blowup? Or talk to you? Maybe keeping quiet for a while, I don't know. What suggestions would you offer to someone in such a predicament?
Sometimes a person feels that when no one responds to them, it means they're not wanted here, or they should take the silence as an obvious hint to get lost. Of course, that may not be the reason why, but for a very sensitive, shy person (like myself), they may take it personally. How do you reassure someone after they've made a huge blunder they're still appreciated? This goes for anyone. I know people who feel their only social outlet is online, because they're so painfully shy to meet anyone publicly.
I rather felt as if the online communities I participated in became a sort of 'extended family', albeit a rather motley family, but people you enjoy interacting with for the most part. There may be some family members you don't care to associate with, but others that you do enjoy chatting with on a regular basis. And when someone you care about goes quiet for some time, it's something to look into. Just my thoughts, anyway.
It's like any relationship, if you've broken some trust with someone or someones, it may take a little time to rebuild it, and with some it may not be repairable... however, the site is made up of hundreds of people, and growing all the time. If you someone upsets some people here, they definitely haven't upset -everyone- here. If they really were that much of a problem person, they would likely have been banned from the site.
I would say on social networks like these, it's important to realize that there are lots of opportunities connect with different people, and that if you are having problem with one or a small group of people, that one has plenty of other people with positive relationships to focus on.
Keep making new connections, and working on putting energy towards the friendships and connections you have that are working for you.
All you can do in life is your best, in terms of being authentic to yourself and others, and compassionate to yourself and others, and create connections with others who feel a connection with what it is you have to share, and how it is you share it.
If you do feel you did something or said something you shouldn't have, then sincere apologies are always a good idea. However if you don't feel genuine about an apology, then I believe it's best not to give one.
Absolutely when conflicts happen emotions are really high, and people are upset, and definitely in time when emotions cool down it becomes much easier to rebuild trust and friendships.