Want to make friends, but not sure how to start? What to say? Afraid of sounding stupid? You're not alone.

A lot of people are feeling the same way, it's like a high school dance, with a few people out on the floor, and lots of wallflowers. Don't worry about it, you're in good company with a lot of other wall flowers waiting to get their friend bloom on.

Here's some tips.

  1. Check out new members signing in on the members page, which you can find a tab for on the top bar above, which conveniently lists members by the most recent people to join. Read some new members profiles and if you think someone might be compatible with you, simply send them a friend's request, with a friendly welcome saying hi, or that you see that they're new and you wanted to welcome them, you might mention stuff you have in common from their profile page. If you share a common interest and are in a group for that, you can give them a heads up on the group and let them know they might be interested in checking it out. So don't be afraid to welcome new members, get to know them, and offer friendship. Most people coming onto a new site are grateful to have some friends, and are pleased when someone sends them a request and a welcome.
  2. When you check out a post, picture, video, group, or anything on the site that you like. Check who created or shared it, and reach out to them. Go beyond just leaving a comment on that item and head over to their profile page, and drop them a friend request letting them know you liked what they had to share and you'd like to be friends. Using your common interest or appreciation in something they've shared as a way to ask if they want to be friends, is a great way to make like minded friends. So when you check something out on the site, go to the source, say hello, let them know you liked what they had to share, and see if they want to be a friend.
  3. Similar to 2, if you post something, and people comment on it. You can use that as an opportunity to make a new friendship, instead of just thanking them for their comment their on that post or pic or video, you can also go to their profile page, and add them as a friend, and thank them in the friend request for their interest/comment/feedback

So there you have 3 great ways to 'break the ice' and give yourself an 'excuse' to add someone as a friend and something to say to get the conversation started. Don't be afraid to put yourself out there, and take a risk, you just might make some friends. yeah, you might come across the occasional hermit-ish humbug who ignores your request, but that will be their loss, and you're sure to find some good friends in the process.

Friendships are powerful things, and like many things what you put into them, what you put out there, comes back to you, often multiplied. So if you're looking for a friend... be a friend, and you'll find more friends than you ever bargained for. *smile*

Anyone else have ideas on good ways to make friends online on sites like the Temple?


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glad you found it helpful. :)

Sorry to hear that Terry, I think a lot of people feel that way, that communicating online is just awkward for them. It may or may not be something you want to work on, but if you do, some of the things that helped me, as a very visual person also, was using things like smiley's - :) or even typing visual cues like *smile* or *laugh* into the words I'm typing. It is hard to convey and to 'get' a lot of the emotional tone and other key elements in communication when typing online.

It is very different than face to face or voice conversations, and it does take getting used to, like anything, but also like anything it isn't necessarily for everyone. But you may find in time, in gets better with familiarity.

lol! :) *hugs*

Greetings Terry!

I understand what you are talking about when you say that you are uncomfortable with completely written conversations, and agree with Leila that trying your best to convey emotions as well as words is a good way to work on this.

As a therapist, I spend a lot of my time weighing words, responses, and potential reactions in my head while sitting with clients.  Although I am also present in the moment, I am aware that in addition to the value of the simple process of communication/sharing itself, there is also usually a goal I am trying to help clients achieve in the sessions, and while there is no "one true way" to get there, it is still important to give thought to my responses and the possible effects they may have.

Having learned this style of communication, and practicing it through my interactions with therapy clients, Coven members, through my volunteer work with sexual assault victims, and as a crisis team member (think talking to total strangers on the absolute worst day of their whole lives with the threat of harm to self or others imminent), I find it hard not to do the same in my private life with friends and family.  It can drive them nuts too, believe me!  If I had a dollar for every time someone in my personal life snapped "Don't you dare therapize ME!" I would be a very wealthy lady (LOL!). 

My point is that we all have a communication style that we prefer that is the easiest, most likely to be clear and reciprocal.  For you, writing is not so natural.  For me, there is so much freedom in writing, especially on sites with people whom I often come to be very close with, revealing much of my life and experiences, thoughts and feelings.  There are things I can write that I probably could never say out loud, and not having to look at someone or hear their reaction when I'm saying something that is really important to me, but also nerve-wracking to reveal can be a true blessing.  

As a therapist, it's nice to kick back and be able to "speak" without weighing everything, and writing also gives you a chance to read it back to yourself and see how it sounds to you before it is out there forever.  I would give a great deal to redo certain hurtful conversations where things were flying fast and heavy, and I said things in anger that I really didn't want echoing in that person's head forever more.  I think most of us have been there :) 

Finally, on sites like this, you choose the site because you believe that others share at least some common ground with you, maybe a part of you which you don't have anyone in your day-to-day life to share with.  By putting yourself out there, you can express things and have others comment on them in a very non-threatening, low-risk environment.  I have often been surprised and pleased at the acceptance I've found amongst the infinite online community.

Finally, I would love to talk more to you about whatever YOU'RE interested in, and am making a friend request on your profile & I'd love for you to return it ;-)


how does one make new friends when moving to a new community\?

Do you mean a site community or a physical one, as in moving home?


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