In fact, unless you have the compassion, empathy, heart and mind of a saint, as the site grows I can pretty much guarantee it.
There will be those people here. Those people you try so desperately to avoid. Those people that grate on your nerves. Those people that believe in *that* stuff, you know, maybe it's the scary stuff, or maybe it's fluffy bunny stuff. Maybe it's not what they believe, but how they shove it down your throat. Or so it seems. Or maybe it's that they just seem to know it all, and they're SO wrong. You know THOSE people.
Well guess what, we're all one of those people. All of us come off the wrong way to someone sometime. Yeah, we might whine in our heads, but we know better. I'm really a NICE person, a SMART person, a RIGHT person. My intentions are all in the right place. Well guess what, we're all one of those people too.
There will be people here that will use words you don't like, and find offensive.
There will be people here that have beliefs and practices, that you find disturbing, upsetting, or maybe silly, stupid, or trivial. All of us, will have SOME negative assumptions about someone on this site.
Bottom line, we are all who we are.
If we want the freedom to be ourselves, we must extend that freedom to others.
If we want to be respected for our own choices, faiths, ideas, beliefs, we have to extend it to others.
What then to do with those individuals that rub many people the wrong way? Who are more extreme on the edge of a more out there belief, or method of expressing themselves that they disrupt a lot of people a lot of the time. I'm not sure honestly how I will deal with individuals that may really push this sites members buttons.
My first line of approach is trying to work toward an inclusive solution. Bring resolution and positive change without excluding someone. I would like to make removing someone from this site a really last resort.
There are people who thrive on conflict, and conflict is also often a positive part of people who are going through periods of growth and change. Overcoming conflicts. Learning how to resolve conflict. As well as learning how to communicate with others effectively and to co-operate with others, is one of the most meaningful things we can do actually in terms of our self growth and development.
You can use conflict with others on this site as catalysts for positive growth and change, for yourself, and for others. You can choose to try to change what you can change, not that other person, but yourself. You can choose to try to expand your empathy and compassion. You can make an effort to try harder to understand why that other person is who they are, believes what they believe, and feels how they feel, or expresses themselves how they do. All of us have baggage, history, triggers, brainwashing, etc, to overcome. All of us. We are all the walking wounded. If you want a less judgemental more compassionate world. WE have to co-create it.
We can start co-creating it here.
Defuse conflict, keep conflict to places where people who want to embrace it only can, and not impose our conflict onto others who do not want to be a part of it. Recognize trolling behaviours and people who feed on negative energy, or are addicted, literally to the adrenaline rush of the 'fight' or flight response, and just like a good fight (yup, some do, let them fight with others that like to do battle, and if your the pacifist type like me, learn to walk away). I have a tendency as a pacifist to want to repress or smooth over conflict, perhaps more than is ultimately healthy. Really, who gets to decide? and maybe what is healthy for one person isn't the same for another...
I know you're all intelligent enough to really get what I'm saying here.
Conflict will happen, be ready for it, focus not on what I can do as a site owner to fix it for you, or what the other person has to do to stop bothering you, and focus on the only change that really matters, the one you can bring with you off site and everywhere you go. Learn your own personal way of dealing with it, create strategies and plans for self for sharing spiritual space with a diverse group of people.
This place will have a lot of freedom, for many people, that may feel like a lack of 'security', that lack of security, is not coming from the site, that feeling of insecurity, is a feeling, and it comes from within you, and only you, can address it. You can avoid it, or you can understand it, and control it, rather than letting it control you.
I try to be the same person here that I am in real life. I'm so far from perfect that I can't even see perfect on the horizon, but everything I do I do with other people in mind. While it may be much easier to choose your words carefully in this medium, people don't always realize what they are saying can truly be hurtful. Then, of course, there are those that you yourself described. Those that are so empty, so lost in their own lives and are so desperately searching for some sort of purpose that they will create something to fight for, even if it makes no sense.
I'm anything but passive, but I will choose my battles carefully. I also know to walk away when a disagreement has devolved into a "I can hurt you more" contest.
I suppose in my own wordy way I'm saying " Well said, Leila. I agree whole-heartedly. (and I really should post here more often. heh)"
P.S. Dangel, exactly how do these people expect you to act? I'm not Wiccan by any stretch, but a huge portion of my friends are practicing ones, and unless they walked up to you and said " Hiya! I'm Wiccan!" you would never know.
Congratulations, Leila! I think that this site is the site for everybody share knowledge and the opinions in a positive way to build new ways to understand new knowledges.The important is to send words that build new ways or open new doors that elevates the level to think and to understand the knowledge that is shared.
I walk many paths and I find many bends and turns in those path. I have been taught to respect all things, living or other wise. my Native American path strengthen me more and more each day. My Wicca path teaches me everyday to be who I am and to reach out where I am needed. I walk a path of understanding, trust, hope, love and wisdom. I believe in my motto, Harm None, and as hard as it is I have turn my cheeks many times in my life. I believe in Let Love. I walk the path between worlds it is a hard path. I am a silent person, seen but not heard until now.
Life in it self is to short, why make it unsettling for those around you. I do not believe in conflect I do not believe in foul mouths, I can talk and get my point across, I do not intentionaly hurt someone even if I am hurt. I live and Let live.
But that's me. At my age I have learn not everyone thinks the same, lives the same and love the same. If they accept me for who I am , I can accept them for who they are. After all we are all human, we are one.
well put Leila, I've always found that what bothers me most in someone else, usually is the exact behavior that I too possess. I have learned over years of being a target, mostly due to being shy but thought of as a snob, to keep my mouth shut, when I feel my blood pressure rising when reading something, or listening to someone to walk away. I do believe we all have the right to express that which we feel the need to express in the manner we know how. But I also believe in Karma and it helps me to accept the things that I cannot change in others. Hopefully one day we can have universal enlightenment. I am hoping then all things will look and sound like "over the rainbow" Great topic, I wish I could make a good point, I enjoy reading smart, insightful replies. Keep them coming fellow Temple family.
Ciò che dici è profondamente giusto e io condivido pienamente.
Namaste, Leila, and very kind of you to point out these little conundrums. However, I don't think you really need to 'warn' people as it's kind of obvious that people are people, if we know human nature at all. What wasn't obvious before is what role moderators will play in this process, and I'm getting the impression that it's as little as possible, which I am in favor of because that gives so much respect to people to work their own karma or problems out in as creatively or constrictive a way possible.
Live in love' is the hardest thing to achieve on a consistent basis, because the old grey matter does get in the way of that sometimes, and all those attachments we have, but a noble thing to aspire to, imo.
Thank you Leila! I am going through a difficult time at work with a co-worker that I just can not please - thank you thank you for your wise words,,,
I can relate to your post. Probably different situation, but I had troubles with co workers it seemed my entire work history. I have strong opinions, and when others attempt to push their demands on me it just makes me feel suffocated. I have grown emotionally sense those days, and now I can bring calm to my aid when I need it. I hope you can resolve your issues with the co-worker. I know it can be so frustrating when you feel you are doing what you feel is right and they just come to your face and you feel they are (hands on hips, nose in the air, saying "your wrong") my thoughts are with you.
Thank you Crissy :-)