Alina crossed over early in January of 1977, her suicide seemed to be a tragic mistake, a misunderstanding.

We were sure, had we had more time, we might have reached her, we might have convinced her to abide on Earth; perhaps she fled her life the faster fearing this might be true.

We could not know then.

Our dearest friends had all failed us, or so it seemed.

Our high school friends had failed to see what was happening, they gave us no warning, they gave Alina no reliable guidance.

Of course, it was we who failed the most, we failed to continue to court Alina when she withdrew from us.

We imagined she needed her space from us, considering how intimate we had become.

We did not realize she was withdrawing from everyone then.

Our newest dear friends had all failed us too, by choosing to exclude Alina from our fellowship.

That had hurt badly.

Of all of our new friends, our brother Michael was dearest to our heart then, he and his wife Sally had lived with us a time in our father's house.  We had journeyed with them and hitchiked hundreds of miles to visit them in the moutains where they had a tract of land...

Good stories...

We loved Michael, Sally, Peter, Laura, Beth, Steve and many more but of all these we loved Michael best.

Perhaps we were very slightly accusatory, what Michael replied when we told him Alina had died seemed brutal and seemed to hurt us beyond measure...

Michael said that Alina, being a suicide, could not have been human, and as such, as a non-human, she was beneath us and we should not mourn her.

This was a man we deeply loved speaking to us; we ran away in tears...

We still love Michael and miss him to this day, but we were angry with him a long time...

It took us some time to break away from our Fellowship friends and families, we were deeply invested in their communities and withdrawing was about to be one of the hardest things we had ever tried to do.


We made it free...

We made it to San Franciso in a wonderful journey of adventure and exploration across the United States along a northern route, eventually through Wyoming and stopping a few days in Seattle, but that's quite another story...


In San Francisco we broke down, our Van's brakes failed nearly killing us with many friends.


We settled in to work with Metrom Builders, we had nearly all of our carpentry tools with us.

We began building a new life in San Francisco, making new friends.

Our long journey west had been in the company of four friends from Alternative West, one was our music teacher.

It was a wild long drug binge from end to end...

Tremendous fun, but we all went our separate ways when we could not afford to immediately fix our van and carry on to Los Angeles.

C'este la vie...


Our workmates quickly became our new friends, all fine droogs.

We were invited to live with two fine young Mexicans who only smoked pot and drank a little beer, Hector and Borrejo; we agreed to live with them and to help them renovate the quarters they were priviliged to live in while the renovation work progressed.

We were starting to feel much better, but we were now relying heavily on marijuna, beer, and LSD...

In any case, one night we were attending a concert, a sort of heavy-metal/thrash/punk synthesis...

Good stuff...

Very good...

We got an odd dose that night, a dose that would be re-inforced by eating San Pedro cactus the following day.

Funny things were happening before we would eat the cactus.

Funnier things would follow the cactus.

Or not so funny...

Those funny things will have to be another story, or two, or more...


The night of the concert we panicked a bit, we fled as the concert hall grew more clasutrophobic.

As we fled, we mapped the world into which we flew into the world of our own mind, we went within.

We went within oursleves, and deep into the Earth, all the way to Hades.

Deep in the Underworld we could feel Alina's presence all around us in fragmetns of crystal.

We gathered Alina's crystal fragments in a sort of woven basket we carried on one arm.

The basket withies were like dried corn husks.

We filled our basket and withdrew from the Underworld, careful not to look back.

We emerged from the Underworld into a subway exit and climbed the stairs two at a tme, tripping on the top step.

Our basket tumbled, its load of crystals spraying in luminous glittering arcs like a pinwheel that coelesced into Alina, whole, in the flesh.

Alina stared at us in wonder, then turned and fled...

We chased Alina a few steps, but with each step she took she seemed to fade away, until there was nothing but her resounding footsteps echoing away around us.

We had resurrected Alina, but she ran because of what she saw as a purpose for her death.  A death she still wanted to return to.

In her gaze she told us a secret it took us some time to understand.

"Concensus reality will not yet allow this..." she spoke silently with her gaze before turning to flee.

It would take us awhile to learn what Alina meant with her strange statement, but we understand now...


Long stories later, we arrived home in Philadelphia; we did not yet know it, but our father, our guru, and their friends had a nice little padded room waiting, or would have very soon.  We were more or less at liberty some two or three days before we were taken to a hospital and signed in.


In those two days we tried and partly succeeded to resurrect Alina a second time, as a golem.

We made our golem from clothes that we washed in a bathtub in sanctified waters.

Alina's golem rose, moaned, and then collapsed.

Again we were told, "Concensus reality will not let this be, not yet..."

We still did not understand Alina's message, but we would.


We may have tried a few more times to resurrect Alina before giving up, our magick was growing stronger, but we were understanding the challenges of Consensus Reality more and more deeply as well.

And that, dear friends, is another long story for another time...


Alina haunted us for 30 years, but then a spiritual medium helped her join our collectives, one January, perhaps 3 years back now, in the same month we helped channel Zadkiel...


Alina has lived with us in a much more intimate fashion since joining our collectives...

Much more satisfying for both of us.

Definitely more fun.

If, together, we could rob a bank nearly 30 years ago, what might we not be able to do with so much deeper understanding now?


We can change the world, we can help create Unity.

We can heal.





Parts of this story currently blogged on Temple Illuminatus...

Alina, In the Beginning, Courtship
Alina toward the Middle, Before a New Begining, Intimacy
Alternative West, Learning to Channel
Alternative West, Sociology and Psychology
Alina, In the Middle, Suicide
Alina, Over The Hump, Bank Robbers
Alina, A New Beginning, Resurrection

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Comment by Grigori Rho Gharveyn on March 29, 2011 at 2:04pm

We hope a spiritually blue mood is a good mood brother under cover...

We have had an extraordinary life, as we see it, a good life for us, as painful as it has been...

We pray your own life will emerge more in line with your best ideals and wisdom dear brother.

Play the serious game.





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