My Warrior Phoenix of a Lioness Rape Survivor Story

DEAR MAYOR JOHN ENGEN:
"11 years ago, I did a rape kit, and gave my testimony against a homeless black man who raped me named Charles Washington. That man CONFESSED to sexually assaulting me, and was only given 6 months in jail, and did not even have to register as a sex offender. The police got my statement wrong, made huge errors, had completely erroneous information in there, and then I was told I was to "emotionally distraught" to testify. I WAS WILLING TO TESTIFY, BUT TERRIFIED AND TRAUMATIZED and he went on to become a serial rapist in this community. I did my own detective work over the last 11 years on this because nobody else would do what was necessary. I have never stopped. I told my mother that I was going to change the laws and the situation here. I am going to keep that promise. I even chased him down in my car, tackled him and pepper sprayed him in front of the court house. I was given a 3 month default sentence for assault, half the sentence of my rapist, for protecting this community. I haven't been able to locate him in a long time, and I hope he is dead. He went on to continue raping women in MisSOULa, torturing animals (I was told this was wrote about in the Kaimin), and God forbid, he hasn't killed anyone. It's people like him who escalate and continue to attack women without repercussion for over a decade who eventually kill, and that is how serial killers are born. This is seriously terrifying, and I am seriously raging over this.
Do you realize how hard it has been on my mind to deal with the guilt that these other women were hurt by him? It took me 11 years to let go of feeling responsible that I wasn't strong enough to put him away forever, until I finally realized that the failure wasn't mine.
And then, of course, my story got worse. You guys know I was drugged and raped for 5 long weeks by Benjamin Wayne Kinder and Todd Patrick Jordan (both white) and that I have evidence that Ben was into and collecting child/teen porn. 5 weeks of my life are gone. Yet I survived, so why do I stand up and scream at this world to try and help it only to be despised? This stigma needs to stop. Despite what I went through the first time, I reported Ben's confession to you guys 2 years ago. You did not so much as question him. Had you gotten a warrant, you would have had a slam dunk case based on that and my testimony back then. Yet again, when I put together the pieces of what was done to me by Ben and Todd, I went back a third time, and I gave my taped and recorded statement yet again.
It's no wonder I had such a fantastic meltdown the last few months.
I haven't even told you what happened to me at Warmsprings State Psychiatric Hospital, either, involving multiple men. And you know I know the truth about your ex-Detective Stephen Nelson. I am pissed, and I'm not going to stop until the suicide and rape issues in this county are truly changed. Because 11 years later, and so many years after I was first raped and tried to do the right thing, this situation is a hundred times worse. People are dying almost every day, killing themselves. This needs to stop. I know what it means to put this out publicly. This is intentional. My story getting out is the only way that I am going to be able to protect our community, and help save it. Someone has got to be the spark, might as well be a multi-fire sign Leo with a flare of Irish."

Missoula, I have evidence. *Insert edit: so do others, so here is more public information. Estha McNevin and Raven Digitalis (Colin Smith) from the Opus Aima Obscurae Temple knew about this years ago, before Ben told me about his online porn, before I even knew I'd been raped by him and Todd. He talked to Estha about what happened. What happened to doing the right thing? What happened to friendship, to love? How did you fall so far off your path? You should have had MY back, not Ben's, and you should be ashamed of yourselves* Instead of sitting on it, I am putting it, and my life, out there on purpose. I have been ranting all over social media and networking like crazy to make friends, gather evidence, witnesses, find other victims, information, and build a support system to help keep me safe, because my case is the biggest case in Montana's history, and the reality of what I'm doing is that at the end of the day, this will make me a target. However, this is necessary to inform the public immediately, and keep anyone else from being hurt.
I made a mistake about Todd at one point, and thought he was a hero until I got an email, and then later, legal records of his last arrest for family battery.
I WAS WRONG. Charles has a criminal record for sexual assault of myself, and there are other women. Todd has been in and out of jail for multiple offenses here, and there are other women.
I have evidence about Ben's being a pedophile, and there are other witnesses. Ben worked at KBGA as DJ Bitscape almost every saturday night ON CAMPUS until about 2 AM, and another DJ who STILL works there knew about his online underage porn, and despite being a mandated reporter who works with Opportunity Resource and runs a non-profit, he and his partner who knew chose to do nothing, and say nothing to anybody. I was the one who stepped up when Ben confessed to me about 2 years after he told these other two ex-friends. They continue to try and cover for him, refusing to do the right thing. Now, I am standing up again, despite everything everyone in this town does to try and cover this. Stephen Nelson lived in the same house with me for a few months, and he deserves to be in jail too. I know more details about him than anyone else in this town, outside his family, the Police and the Mayor. I can prove that They all deserve to lose everything.
PEOPLE NEED TO DO THE RIGHT THING. THIS ISSUE KEEPS GETTING WORSE!
http://missoula.craigslist.org/vnn/5808635366.html I don't want anyone else to get hurt. KEEP OUR COMMUNITY SAFE!
http://mugshots.com/US-Counties/Florida/Leon-County-FL/Charles-L-Wa...
http://missoulian.com/news/local/sheriff-s-deputy-fired-over-sex-as...

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Comment by Saba on October 17, 2018 at 11:39am

It was 3-5 days, not weeks. I had the timeline wrong. Either I didn't remember what my ex said as I was coming to and asking what happened to me and thought he said weeks, or he lied on purpose to gaslight me from the start, making my story sound unbelievable. Who is held and drugged for 5 weeks, right? It's been a maddening 2 years. I finally was able to gather enough detials and further circumstancial evidence, names, dates, screenshots, etc...to put together a more accurate and thorough statement. The Detective in charge of the SVU is investigating and trying to put together a case...they are going to question my rapists and those involved soon, that's the next step...

Everyone has turned their backs on me. I have not one single friend in Missoula. I hurt myself a lot. I want to die. I almost killed myself a week ago and every day I wish I had a gun so I could blow my head off. The memory came back clear, it was Still, not Todd, ontop of me, and Still handing me that pill. 

I'm angry that my first statement had those two facts incorrect. It makes ME look inconsistent. I'm angry that I have such severe mental and emotional health problems from this trauma, and my life trauma, that it will likely be used successfully against me to create reasonable doubt. I'm angry that I keep trying to do the right thing, and there is probably never going to be justice, healing or closure. I'm angry that I can't get the Mayor, our Senator or anyone to help me go public and get my story on the news. I'm angry that I get no voice or validation as a victim and survivor, so there's no way to get people to see that I'm not a liar and have been doing the right thing for Missoula and our community. Instead, I'm hated and my rapists are adored. everyone thinks I'm a mentally ill delusional liar making up revenge rape stories to destroy my ex boyfriend. I will probably kill myself soon. I can't take it anymore. 

Comment by Rowena Moran on November 11, 2016 at 7:08am

I'm soooo proud of you... You are a warrior, a fighter & not a quitter... PLEASE DON'T GIVE UP... KEEP ON FIGHTING!!! You are not a victim! You hold your ground & fight back! Talk to me...

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