Thankfully my actions speak for themselves, and most people are not influenced by such gossip.

It is amazing to me how our actions are interpreted by others.  In essence, I think more and more on an Anais Nin quote that I love: "We don't see things as they are, we see things as we are".

For instance, I am a member of a whole whack of ning sites that are spiritual or occult or new age related. I'm not active on facebook, and I don't have a myspace, because sites like that are just not as interesting to me. If I wanted to be a spammer, I'd hit big sites like facebook and myspace and deviantart.. also another site I don't belong to.

I belong to sites that interest me, on topics that interest me, where I find pockets of cool people. I often like smaller sites, as they have a more personal feel. I get a lot out of being a part of a community and helping to co-create it. I value all the sites I'm a member of. I'm not invested in my own site more than I am other sites I'm a part of. I see them as equally valuable spaces to my own, if not more so in some cases.

Here is where the original point is. My behaviour on all the ning sites I belong to is consistent. I do my best to follow guidelines set out by the owners.

Same behaviour, different sites and site owners. Three sites have now banned me. Five sites have offered me administrative positions which I have turned down, and several sites have me as a featured member. Same behaviour. In most places, my actions have been interpreted as helpful, I've been seen to increase membership on the sites I participate on, and am a valued member. Yet in a small number of people, 3 cases, banned.

Interestingly enough, in all these cases, none of the site owners followed what I would consider to be professional courtesy in such action. I was not only not given warnings, I was not only not informed of why it was I was removed from the site, but when I've written to inquire what the concern is... I've not recieved any reply.

It's just the way of the world I suppose, you can't please all of the people all of the time.

This all came up because one of the sites I was on wrote me to tell me they had received a warning from another ning site owner that I was a spammer.  They were sensible enough to communicate their concerns to me, and thankfully, I have an excellent relationship with most of the site owners I'm a part of.

My only hope is the person out there spreading rumours about me is doing it out of a sense of belief that I really am a spammer, better that than if it's coming out of a place of petty insecurity and competitiveness. I can deal better with people being mean because they think their doing a good thing, than just being mean for the sake of being hateful. I think when people act out of mean-ness, and know it, they do themselves far more harm than anyone else. Ironically I hurt more for what they are doing to themselves over me, than what they are trying to do to me. Why do people torment themselves and worry about others so? It seems very strange to me.

I hate to think that I've generated that kind of concern in someone to begin with, that someone use precious time in such endevours, when there are so many things of value one can do with their time.

There are just some ways of navigating social roles that I don't understand... If I felt I started to generate too much drama, and was creating more negative stress in people than providing encouragement and positive energy... I would shut the Temple down in a heartbeat. Yeah, the site is here for me, but what I want out of it is to create something open, free, and positive for everyone... if people feel that it is detracting from their other sacred spaces, that would ruin it for me.

I just have to remind myself, that there will always be people that view ones actions in a negative light, and remind myself, those beliefs are not a reflection on me, they are a reflection on those that hold them.