I was going to write a blog about my life. But, I've decided to do a series of blogs.  This way, it won't be ten miles long.

     About ten years ago, we found out that our son had been molesting our daughter.  He had been doing this for some time, and we didn't have a clue.  The only reason we found out, was my daughter wrote an essay in health, where she mentioned, she wished she could stop having sex with her brother.  

     To say our whole world collapsed, was an understatement.  Obviously, my son was arrested, and so was I. I was the mom, so it was my fault.  Court dates for me lasted over a year.  My husband wouldn't allow me a lawyer, but the judge made sure I had one anyway.  We didn't qualify for a freebie.  It was unnerving to go to the precinct for pictures, fingerprinting, the whole nine yards.  Plus, during all this, trying to be there for my son, and daughter.....with my husband screaming at me......by this time I was in a state of shock.  

     My son went to George Jr. in, well by Cortland NY.  It's one of the better detention facilitates(jail for kids)What the courts and Social Services put us through, I wouldn't wish on my wort enemy.       Needless to say, we all had to go through court mandated therapy.....which helped.  Finding one for my daughter that wasn't a complete idiot, was another matter.  You see, when you are autistic, everything is literal.  For example, the therapist had her draw a life size picture of her self and color it in.  My daughter colored her skin a deep pink, so when she drew the bra, she used red.  When I walked in, I immediately understood this.  The therapist kept telling me, it was her subconscious coloring red because of the pain.  I asked her if she had instructed her to use colors for feelings, and she of course said no.  I just couldn't get through to her, she was wrong.  SO, I went to her boss, who agreed with me.  My daughters autism saved her.  

     Now, what have I learned from this.  Never mind that I cried daily for six months....without the support of my neighbor, I don't know what would have happened.  Our family survived, we got used to it in time.  Being a sexual offender is a disease, and if caught when they are young, can be cured. We were able to trace this back to my husbands, brothers, kid.....who would come to visit and shove toys up my sons butt.  It took me four years to get the courage to tell my mother-in-law this.  Most families split up from something like this....we managed to stay together, and get my son home.  The trust came back, but it was a slow process.  Before my son came home, he had to tell Kasey he was sorry....in front of us, plus his counselors.  He got through it...they all left....and my beautiful forgiving daughter, saw her brother crying, and ran to him and put her arms around him and hugging him, saying, it will be alright.  

     Flash forward....we got through the hell, obviously there are many side stories I could tell.  The biggest one is this.  About a year ago, my husband admitted he had been sexually abused by one of his sisters when he was little.  For a period of four years, from ages 10 - 13, whenever his sister got stoned, she came and had sex with him.  He never told anyone this.  He still refuses therapy........and life goes on.

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Comment by Swami. Cindy Ravenmoon PhD. on February 10, 2018 at 4:00pm

WOW!!

Comment by vsb on December 29, 2014 at 11:25am

sorry, story

Comment by vsb on December 29, 2014 at 11:23am

it may not happened,only a stoy.

Comment by Elspeth on October 1, 2014 at 3:47pm

I think you're right Tami about the numbers.

At least three of us in my circle. Probably would have carried on too, if we hadn't grown into a time where we learned it didn't have to happen.

Talking..that's what has healed and helped so many to start to come to terms, but it also gets the subject out so that victims/potential victims, know they don't have to live with it.

We had a lady called Esther Rantzen, who started our 'ChildLine'. Children in any form of danger/abuse could telephone privately for help, no cost and they didn't have to be alone.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Esther_Rantzen

Years ago we didn't realise what was happening to us. Just that it felt wrong, was frightening, hurt, and the abuser, no matter how 'friendly' they were, gave the vibe that they weren't right. It was wrong. They abuse everyone's trust. The guilt and confusion aren't easy when you know a younger family member is facing the same thing you did. Trying to stop the same thing happening...following the sibling around whenever the abuser is there....not being able to explain why, not understanding why..just that you don't want to see your sister feel the same way.

I once had a woman I worked - years ago - with tell me that abused kids 'knew it was wrong', as if the kid isn't a victim. I could have jumped on her. Utter ignorance. Mass ignorance has been an instrument, for many abusers over the years. Not so any more I hope.

Like Linda said, there are signs, and hopefuly the victims find their voices soon enough to stop the abuse, and prevent it.

Comment by Linda M. on August 31, 2014 at 9:13pm

I was told many of these never get reported, in families, simply because the families never know.  After going through all this and going to the workshops at George Jr. I've learned what to look for, and I see it more times than not.  

     Now, I can't be sure, but knowing what I now know, I could swear that my father did something to my sister....looking back on our life...I can now see the signs,

Comment by Bryan on August 31, 2014 at 6:52pm

Thanks for openly sharing something so very personal, Linda. It takes a lot of courage to push this out there, but I'm truly glad to hear that you and your family have diligently worked through all of this AND remained together. That isn't something that normally happens. Your actions, attitude, and approach honestly astounds me. I hope you continue to share. Not only will help you heal further, it helps everyone else, too.

Comment by Elspeth on August 31, 2014 at 5:33pm
Thank you for talking about this. It must have been like a living hell at the time.
I know from experience, that talking helps victims to recover, if that's the right word...rather it helps you to live with it, after time.
Hugs love XXx

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